Where Do All The Voices Come From -- Mystic Voices of a Listening Heart

“So what's worse? Too many voices in your head or complete silence?“

This Facebook quote, along with recent writing and listening I have been doing, triggered some powerful new spiritual awakenings and experiences.

First, it is important to realize and experience that these voices are my “lost selves” – parts of me that were disconnected or dissociated from my actual Self in order to emotionally survive the emotional traumas of my life.

There are four awarenesses that I experienced about my inner voices:

1. When I experience confusion, memory losses, and difficulty making decisions, they is caused by being overwhelmed by these voices – lost selves --pressing me with their pain and fear and needs. Imagine being in a shopping mall full of people – at Christmas, and everyone turns and moves toward you – surrounding you --- talking, then yelling, then screaming information, feelings, demands, requestts, etc...... and imagine trying to process and survive the whole experience.

2. The majority of people survive and function within the material world and within relationships by using silence – the absence of consciousness of the voices. By depressing the operation of the neural pathways of the brain, the pirmitive brain instinctively turns off the sound of their voices. And when that doesn’t work, it will exaggerate, dramatize, generally flood the neural pathways with distracting new activity focused at external circumstances and outcomes – thought.

3. My experience is that we do not have the ability to listen, organize, and process their voices, and successfully address the needs that drives these lost selves into frenzied desperation.

4. What I need to do is to allow a simplification to occur – to become as a little child – in the loving, caring , ujnconditional Presence of my God, and to receive gentle guidance -- to help me move through the conscious experience and restoration of these lost selves. For me, my spiritual parents/guides operate through the Presence that resonates in others.

I perceive that the majority of human beings live materially “successful” lives in virtual silence -- not stillness – silence – the forced and constricted absence of sound -- not the quiet and flowing serenity of Presence. I define ‘success” experiencially as the reaching of enough life outcomes to be reasonably satisfied with life – often to notice of others as being accomplished or having “successfully” overcome sizable obstacles to do so. Most often, success, for humans, is perceived as being within the realm of objects and material outcomes, not relationships, closeness, or intimate awakenings.

“Success” in our modern culture typically entails the suppression of these inner voices – lost selves – in order to reach some external outcome. Consequently, I experience that those who our culture venerates with public media attention, as being the most “successful” are also the most unconscious. As I watch them, I experience the feeling that no one is home. I only experience their masks -- hiding deeper and deeply wounded selves.

The efficiency of unconsciousness – the dead and dying selves lie decomposing on the screens of our televisions and cinemas – in our politics, music, and entertainment. I feel sad. So much wonder and beauty of selves lost in the blinding glares of deafening outcomes.

If you are hearing your inner voices, too, and would like some comforting Presence, and direction, try some of these blogs that I have written, and feel free to contact me on Facebook, or by email.

We can all help each be restored to sanity – truer and more complete versions of ourselves. Our lost selves need us to improve our conscious intimate contact with our God so they can come home. We and they do not have to be alone today.

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Returning to the Secret Garden of Lost Selves

Twelve Step Spiritual Life Management

Valley of Deadened Selves: Poem of a Mystic Heart

My mind drapes sadly over the fallen corpses --
selves fallen in the service of guarding, protecting the “me”.
I am buried beneath growing swells of rushing raging e-motions
pounding the beaches of my consciousness and thoughts
Reminding, remembering, forgetting yet again.
Protected– a light that rests casually on the edge of my mind
an unravelling of what was never together
exposing the inner wreckage and carnage of my past and dying selves.
I can’t remember where I am – who I was –
another world seems impinging from somewhere
beyond what is for me –
I am present, fallen, and streaming – in realest time –
as light continues to rise – burning alive motions,
somehow, in this dead and dying selves –
as Presence beginning to gently glow and flow within deadened lifeless
veins – and life, a love, sensations of beingness,
Presence begins to beat
where darkened hearts had stopped before.
My valley of deadened selves, touched – restoring -- yet unknown appearing Self – enlightened shadows of what may yet to come.

Shadow Selves Returning Through Spiritual Presence and Mystic Listening

Most of the shadows of this life are caused
by standing in one’s own sunshine.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am reminded of an image and inner vision that I have experienced, especially during meditation. I see shadows moving in and out and around me, and I wonder what these shadowy figures are. When I reach out to touch them, I experience that they are “Me’s” – lost selves -- separated by excessive levels of pain from past events and circumstances. They are moving – sometimes running -- around, trying to get my attention – wanting to come home – back to conscious contact with me. And I feel a sadness, an emptiness, and a different type of loneliness.

I sense that I lost selves when I experienced massive abandonment and separation – emotional pain. And I have experienced the regaining of lost selves when my God’s Presence was restored to my mental processes.


There are wonderful treasures of selves and spiritual enlightenment hidden within these shadows. We must connect with a higher Presence of loving Light in order for our darkness to be changed into this spiritual enlightenment – the restoration of our lost selves.

This conscious experience of our shadowy selves can be a wonderful gift of awakening and spiritual enlightenment. But first it may produce a terrifying sense of hopelessness and loss. In any case something will change – as our shadowed selves step back into consciousness, and once again – become Light.

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Losing Our Minds -- Finding Our Selves: the Mystic Heart

Die to each moment and you will discover the gate to unending life.
Merlin to Arthur, The Way of the Wizard by Deepak Chopra

Time. The brain’s illusion of change, transition, movement – outcomes coming in and out of perception and reaction and action – anesthetized by mass consumptions of thought. Death – the final illusory outcome – the ultimate perceptual separation in time and empty space – actually, it has already occurred – only the brain has not recognized it – and breath pauses to listen only to hear the distance – and not the moment. We are knocked unconscious by that which is perceived but does not exist. The mind.

My mind races onward into the oblivion of more mind -- a mind is built of fragments of moments –moments built of isolated fragments of searching selves – trying to find destiny and purpose in the dung heaps of unexperienced pasts – massive mindfills of discarded empty thoughts and crumpled constricted feelings.

To die is to stop “minding” moments – to end the endless thinking that inebriates consciousness and produces unconsciousness—to reach a closeness with They who are beyond – and allow intimate oneness -- closeness with ourselves and others.

Unending life is in the heart – the mind can only produce anti-life – endless moments of feverously spiraling thought.

Sounds hopeless -- dark – like the initial bleakness of a science fiction movie.

My response was that I wondered who wrote it. And that it is a description of an experience that radiates past the shadows and into conscious contact and Presence with higher versions of my selves – and with my personal God.

Words – thoughts – images – dark and light -- dreams of what is – but isn’t – really. But no one really knows what to do with the blinding silence and blaring glare of what is appearing but disappearing within our brains.

I wonder what really is. And sometimes I wish I could put the evil genie of consciousness back into its bottle, and return to the black and white TV sitcom that mankind calls “life”.

And then You appear – in my heart.

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Journey of the Mystic Heart to Listening Presence

It is good to have an end to journey towards;
but it is the journey that matters in the end.
Ursula LeGuin

What is the meaning of life? A seemingly absurd question considering no one really “knows” the answer. Perhaps the closest answer is the one given by Jack Palance as a rough and worn cowboy in the movie “City Slickers”. He said that the meaning of life is “one thing” – just one thing. Find one thing that means the most to you, and make that the center of your life. Focusing on too many things destroys the meaning of life.

In my experience, the meaning of life is “Presence in the Present”. To experience God – our higher Presence – in this precious moment of time – the Present – that is the truest “meaning of life”. To feel and be totally human and conscious, and consciously connected to God – in this exact moment – gives a dimension to life that overwhelmingly amazing and freeing.

It’s ok to have goals and plans – except when they take us out of our precious moments and into the terrorfying future. We are – each moment – in a sparkle of meaning and love – when we are Present in Presence within our journey.

In math, a line between two points is composed of an infinite number of points. When we are present in this moment, we are approaching an eternity of beingness – the ultimate intimacy and closeness with God, ourselves and others.

So how do we live in the journey and not in the deception of the destination?

It’s impossible for me to do that. This is my starting point. My brain does not operate in present moments. It is always miles of ahead of where I am.
And I cannot stop this.

Second, for me, only inserting the higher Presence of my God into the present can stop my brain at this precious moment. Inspirational life quotes, inspirational readings, music, journaling, and the voice of God in others’ lips – all of these are means of increasing my conscious connection to my God – the meaning of life.

Third, for me, is to take action – do something – act as if God is taking me into this moment – act as if I am loved, safe, and guided. Many times it is as simple as taking the next breath, and taking the next step – being present in each motion forward as an expression of my trust in Their loving Presence and intent.

We have all been given a journey – an infinite number of precious moments -- opportunities for intimacy and meaning with our God. Let us breathe -- touch the hand of our higher Presence -- and step deeply into each precious moment -- our journey to the heart of Presence.

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Laughter and Tears -- Listening to the Mystic Heart

I would not exchange the laughter of my heart for the fortunes of the multitudes: nor would I be content with converting my tears…into calm. It is my fervent hope that my whole life on this earth will ever be tears and laughter.
Kahlil Gibran

A story is told of a man who died and woke up in a beautiful bed, in a magnificent bedroom, in huge mansion. As he looked around in amazement and wonder, he thought to himself that he was hungry and some pancakes would taste good. Immediately the door opened, beautiful servants brought in the most wonderful, perfectly cooked and warm pancakes with the best syrup he had ever tasted. The orange juice was hand squeezed and perfectly sweet and tart. Everything was wonderful.

When he was finished, he thought how he would like to get dressed and go see this place. Immediately servants came into the room with just what he wanted to wear – and extremely comfortable. He was helped to get dressed and escorted downstairs, through the house, and out onto the grounds. And as he proceeded, everything he thought of that he wanted immediately was brought to him.

This went on for several days, and he began to become a little uneasy about all the immediate attention and every want being met as soon as he thought it. So he spoke with the head butler, and asked him to stop everyone from giving him everything he thought he wanted. The butler told him that it wasn’t possible to stop doing this. The man became upset, and angrily said, “Heaven just isn’t the way I thought it would be!”

The butler smiled and said, “Who said you were in heaven?”

The human illusion is that if we had everything we wanted, the way we wanted it, we would be happy. So we struggle and scheme and contrive, trying to get control of our circumstances. And when it doesn’t go our way, our lives are ruined and seemingly hopelessly lacking. But it is not our circumstances, but the wounded filters of our brain that are causing our unhappiness.

“I would not exchange the laughter of my heart for the fortunes of the multitudes...” “What doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?” (Bible) The material world seems to possess the control over our happiness since having material wealth seems to give us control over outcomes. And the insanity of humanness is the belief that outcomes determine our happiness.

A heart that can laugh – and cry – can love and be loved – can experience the higher and caring Presence that overrides human circumstances and outcomes. To be able to experience the humanness of living gives us the chance to experience the spiritual, intimate, and totally amazing.

The greatest hope and gift we can have is that we will never lose our laughter -- and our tears – to be fully and consciously human.
If we lose our human consciousness, we become dead to God’s loving and life changing Presence. We become the “undead” – no one home – feeding off of others and ourselves -- without ever knowing that we no longer exist.

Today, let’s take time to laugh – and let’s take time to cry – and in being fully human allow God to become fully Present – giving us Their fullness of love and caring joy and peace. This is a day of celebration that we are consciously alive – and we are not alone.

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The Myth of Santa God -- Twelve Steps and the Mystic Heart

Bill W. from Alcoholics Anonymous
Some of us have been violently anti-religious. To others, the word “God” brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone had tried to impress them during childhood...
We looked upon this world of warring individuals, warring theological systems, and inexplicable calamity, with deep skepticism.

Today, I attended two spiritual support meetings for alcoholics – and I listened.

The first meeting discussed Step 2 of the Twelve Steps, and the word “God”. Step Two says, “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

As I listened, I remembered as a child being taught to believe in Santa Claus – paralleled by being taught to believe in God. Santa rewarded good little boys and girls for good behavior all year long – “you reap what you sow.” Santa kept a list, and checked it twice, going to find out who has been naughty or nice – kind of like eventually everyone will stand before God at the white throne judgment to give an account of all their “sins”. And you write a letter to Santa telling him what you wanted – “if you ask anything in faith believing, God will give it to you.”

Interesting and amazing parallels of mythology.

Fortunately it only took nine or ten years to demythologize Santa. Unfortunately, it took another twenty five years, and major helpless and hopeless depression and alcoholism before I could demythologize “God”. Santa God was my last remaining hope that someday I would stop hurting – if I could just find out his “will” – rules and demands – and then I would choose to meet them. Without Santa God, I was not waiting a year to get what I “wanted” – but an eternity.

In my hopeless and helpless state of mind and heart, I was brought to a fork in the road of my life. I would continue my useless myth of “God”, or I would risk a different course and direction. I would have to consciously face my endless shame and dread of impending doom – the expectation of getting what I believed I deserved -- or trying again – over and over – to be “good enough”.

I realize now, over twenty years later, that the lie that kept the myth of God alive was the lie of “free will” Religion traditionally has needed a “hell”, and a punishment for ‘sin” in order to operate. And consequently, it has needed “free will” and choice to justify and defend its judgment and condemnation. If a person has no choice, he or she cannot technically be held responsible. (Actually, having no choice or free will does not take away consequences only “eternal damnation” and abandonment.)

The fork in the road was between continuing to believe the religious myth of God, and moving into intimate conscious Presence with a Higher Power or spirituality. The fork was Step One of the Twelve Steps:
"We admitted we were powerless – that our lives had become unmanageable."

In my experience, I “turned” when I experienced, admitted, and accepted that I was powerless over my perceptions, reactions, and actions – I do not have – alone – any will or power to choose my attitudes or behavior. I had to consciously experience my desperate and helpless hopelessness to change, and to be empowered to act in my own best interests. My conscious and willing experience of my wretched pain opened my heart, and with the help of others, I experienced an intimacy beyond mental thought and reasoning, that began changing my perceptions, reactions and actions. Bathed in Their intimate Presence, I began to heal. And my life began to become a better and better place.

Today, we (Mom, Dad and me) seem to be as intimate and close as my level of conscious experience of my powerlessness. The myths disappear – and in my heart I can be what is real – their unconditionally beloved son.

Bill W. from Alcoholics Anonymous.
Our human resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly.
Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves.....As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His Presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, and the hereafter. We were REBORN.

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Self-Forgiveness Begins with the Spiritual Enlightenment of God's Presence

Sometimes the past is so painful to think about that your only salvation lies in complete surrender to the mercy of God. Only in Him are you given the strength and courage it takes to keep on walking when every step is hard. But, finally, after what can seem like an endless journey in the darkness of your own regret, you come upon the light again. You have no doubt who has set you free, for only One who is author of forgiveness would give you still another chance.
Marianne Williamson

The past can be painful, whether the outcomes were desired or undesired. In my experience, accomplishments frequently reminded me that I was expecting a certain event or series of events to make me happy, and when they failed, I was left even more hopelessly lost.


Ultimately, I am forced to surrender – to stop buying the illusion of my possible control of what is, and of how I will perceive and feel as a result. I am powerless – I cannot control what is or how I react to what is – the past reoccurs on the screens of my mind as if current and happening. These inner images are programmed to continue repeating themselves indefinitely if not changed.

I am left no choice but to turn to the loving and merciful Presence of God – to change and spiritually heal my experience and perceptions. In His (and Her) Presence I am given the sanity of strength and courage to keep putting one thought, and one feeling – one moment and one breath at a time – in front of the other.


My journey seems endless because it is recycling my past -- over and over again -- with greater and greater darkness – repeating abandonment and separation. The Light – God’s loving Presence – begins to glow – and the walls of my inner prison begin to dissolve. I am being taught and reprogrammed to see me with God’s eyes – and They hold nothing against me – They are teaching me to experience Their truth – and I am able, with their love and caring, to forgive and admire myself – and love me with Their unconditional love – and admiration.


We really are Their children – created out of their infinite love.

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The Courage to Be Humanly Conscious and Spiritually Awakened

Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger -- misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good, that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding, and that there is always tomorrow.

Dorothy Thompson

In January, 2003, Liz was diagnosed with a reoccurrence of colon cancer -- the second time since her original diagnosis in 1995. It was beginning to affect her back and left leg. causing incredible pain, and difficulty walking. The picture above was taken two to three weeks before she died -- in 2005. She was on her way to a support group that had been a major part of her life for fourteen years, and lunch with her friends. I really don't remember if she was actually able to go to lunch -- but that was her intent when we left the house.

I took the picture -- and lots of similar pictures -- because I was so impressed with her incredible courage. I don't believe I could have done what she did.

Courage -- I think it's about perception and our relationship with a God of our personal experience and relationship. Courage is seeing into life and its myriad facets of events, circumstances and outcomes -- and seeing a meaning and purpose that cannot be seen with human eyes -- it can only be experienced by a human heart filled with God's Presence.

Courage is believing the unseen -- and living each moment -- each breath -- in the currents and waves of the unknown and uncontrollable -- opening ourselves to feel and experience and risk being fully human -- and loved fully spiritual.

We are the chosen, the called, the awake and present -- we are meant to live "heart wide open" -- to become "rivers of loving life" to others by being human and spiritually present -- all in the same moment.

Conscious life takes courage -- it requires God's Presence -- it involves a willingness to grieve and hurt and be sad -- and to risk joy and serenity, and closeness with God.

It take courage to do more than just believe in God -- instead to actively live in intimate Presence with God.

There will always be a tomorrow -- I believe Liz "knew" that -- even if it is means leaving --

and going Home.

Courage -- remembering not to forget.

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Taking a Good Look -- Remembering to Live in Precious Moments

Every now and again, take a good look at something not made with hands – a mountain, a star, the turn of a stream.

There will come to you wisdom and patience and solace

and, above all, the assurance that you are not alone in the world.

Sidney Lovett

This inspirational life quote is a reminder of some simple truths of spiritual enlightenment. First, we need to stop-- ever so often – maybe, more often – and remember, that we have forgotten something. The material world screams at us in no uncertain terms to pay attention to its useless chatter and clatter. And our brains react with screaming fierceness – “we have to avoid the present moment – human consciousness is not acceptable.” Together the material world and our brains whip up storms of illusion and confusion that keeps us from remembering – to remember – to stop and experience and reside in just this precious moment.

Take a look – open the eyes of our hearts – take a good look – at something – experience fully our experience of who we are – in something we are not – in something that is not demanding our attention – but in something that carries the subtleness of life’s inexhaustible mystery – within each precious moment – within each atom of human and spiritual experience.

Nature – natural -- not made by man -- uniquely transcendent compared to all the illusions we can create – “what is man that thou art mindful of him” – touch the face of God in moments of Their handiwork – because there are gifts hidden in their simplicity.

Wisdom – spiritual enlightenment – where our brains begin to clear of the wreckages of our pasts – where a higher Presence begins to glow in the darkened synapses of our brain – clarity of experience and intimate Presence adjusts our perceptions and reactions – and we are free to be more wholly present – in life’s precious moments. Wisdom is where human experience and God’s Presence join to become consciousness and intimacy into being.

Patience involves the absence of obsession with material outcomes because we have the guarantee of God’s Presence that all is planned and prepared for our best. The neural energy of our brains diminishes and we are no longer driven to control what will not make us happy anyway. Holding their hands – we have no need to be responsible for our outcomes, only for our presence within Their Presence.

Solace – relief from pain and grief. “Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted”. Their Presence comforts us. We are able to flow through our current and past pain and fear and sadness – and find rest. “Come unto me, all ye who labour and are heavy laden, and I will give your rest.”

When I first began to experience rest, I experienced being a very young child, being held by a very attentive Parent and being gently rocked – safe, nurtured, and unconditionally loved and admired. The cares of my mind’s woundedness flowed out and away, and being replaced by a loving stillness – far beyond my brain’s capacity to create.

All of these gifts – nature, spiritual enlightenment, confidence and serenity, and restful spiritual healing – all these are part of the massive and emerging assurance – the personal experience that we are not ever alone – never abandoned or rejected, except by our own injured brains.

Gifts – from someone who likes us and loves us – without conditions or possibility of rejection – precious moments of God’s love becoming spiritual enlightenment.

No longer alone in our world.

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