My Personal Holiday Card to My "Friends"

Inside Pictures ......

The grandkids got new pajamas last Christmas.

Granddaughter Becca inspecting mommie's belly, where Baby Nancy was sleeping.

The "family" after Nancy was born.

I get to hold Nancy for the first time.

Becca loving her new little sister.

Snowden Family Christmas Picture:

Dana (daughter), Billy (son-in-law), Mandy, Nancy, Eva. and Becca

Becca and Papa

Becca and Ally enjoying playing pool. Just threw this picture in.

Son, Chris and granddaughter Ally -- chips .....

Daughter-in-law, Debra, making Princess Castle Cake for Ally's birthday ..... amazing ....

Grandson, Jake .... Dr. Jake, maybe .....

Grandson, Luke .... nice that Legos can bring smiles on birthdays .....

Grandson, Levi .... the loving and attentive big brother of his little sister, Ally ......

My cat, Sammy, likes the laundry basket ....

Eva and Mandy (granddaughters) saved up their money and bought a trampoline so they can do their gymnastic stuff ....

Tiggers are not the only ones who bounce (Winnie the Pooh)....

My parents .... Elma and Willie .... our whole family loves Chinese food ....

For over 25 years, I had a mustache .... my two oldest granddaughters, Eva and Mandy remember this, and got me this doll/puppet for my birthday .....

Barbie Christmas Tree

Hopscotch, one of Kathy's cats .... about 20 pounds of playful attention seeking affection .....

Hopscotch and Sweet Pea .... Kathy isn't home enough for them .... or anyone else

Becca glows the light of Presence ..... loving Presents of self .....

Wishing You and Yours Wondrous Loving Presents of Presence

for the Holidays and for the Coming New Year

It's Not Hard -- It's Impossumble!! Spirituality and Choices

For me, I always confused "choices” with "options", and believed I could control aspects of my life for which I was actually totally powerless .... I would "chose" to do or say one thing, and would do or say something totally different .... and damn myself to the hells of my own self-induced shame and blame ....

The concept of “choice”, in my experience, is a symptom of mental and spiritual dissociation – massive losses of selves -- disconnected and trying to operate independent of each other to protect and care for themselves. Some label this negatively as “ego”.

“Choice” means there is a “chooser” and a “choice”, two different entities separated by some trauma induced psychosis of self, of absence of Presence, and of necessity to operate independent of intuitive wisdom and spiritually intimate nature. Each “choice” represents a dissociated self who becomes attached to the outcome which that choice may or may not represent. Ultimately the dissociated self with the strongest urgency – limbic survival necessity – will determine one’s behavior and words – no matter the cerebral brain’s awareness of likely or ultimate consequences or preferences.

For me, Step One was the beginning of conscious experience of my separated and lost selves, and the beginning of my conscious experience of my human dependency on a Presence greater than my selves who could empower me to know what I wanted to do or say, and actually do or say it. It is not “choice” – it is a natural intuitive flow of who I am in conscious Presence with Them -- who I am being restored to being.

Spirituality, for me, today begins with the admission, experience, and acceptance that I am ultimately totally powerless -- without Their Presence.

In the story of Jesus, there was a time when people were admiring and complimenting Jesus’s work and outcomes. His response was, “It is not I who does this, but my Father who is in me, He does the work.” He refused to accept the illusion of power of choice over his actions and outcomes. Everything he did and accomplished was a direct result of his intimate connection with his Father. He refused to accept credit for his successes and positive outcomes.

This is my experience as well. I cringe when I hear people say that they “chose” not to drink or drug, or participate in some unhealthy behavior today. For me, this statement is the equivalent of stepping away from conscious connection with my God, and telling my self I can now handle my life – the damning delusion of “free will”. In over twenty years of recovery, I have seen and experienced the hellish results of such spiritual and mental psychosis.

It's not hard -- it is impossible!!!!

Removing Movies From My Mind - Mystic Poetry

Stepping across aisles,
another row of seats
filled with memories, the “selves”,
the forgotten ones –
deeply abandoned parts of who I was to become ....
Hidden in the darkness –
the cinema that I believed was my life –
projected images, drama, sadness, silence,
hope, flights of happy relief,
suspended in dangles of questions
and contrived answers.
My life now staggers with Their revealing truths –
the vagueness becomes clearer,
the movies of my imaginary living are ending abruptly
and I must follow Their lead –
deeper and deeper
present with in my self,
Their comforting Presence –
hands, hearts touching,
closeness and beyond closeness,
Their quiet voices introducing me
-- more and more to “me” I have forgotten,
reminding me of Their present love
and my helpless past.
I experience massive waves of regret and fear –
And wonder --
wondering
if the stupor of the screen’s fabricated images
were not maybe a “better” way to go.
So much to re-experience.....
So much remains.
In our Presence together.

What Do We Really Want? -- Path of the Listening Heart

“The problem with doing what we want is that we don't know what we want .... powerlessness .... but our Higher Power knows – and Their will for me is what I “really” want – but don’t know it .....what happens is my life today is what I “want” – even if my humanness disagrees – all there is and can be is God’s will ..... right at this moment, my humanness is anxious about today’s outcomes ....How do I receive and accept Their gifts for me today? .... “ My Journal (posted on Facebook Saturday, August 14, 2010)

(Responses on Facebook at end of article. Thanks to everyone for sharing)

The challenge for me regarding what I want is that everything I perceive is filtered through my human brain, which attaches a good or bad rating to each molecule, and each unit of perception ....

Going back to the metaphor of the Garden of Eden, the curse was the perception or “knowledge” of good and evil .... at that point the illusion of good and bad was programmed into the human brain, and when the perceptual question is asked, “are you a good witch or a bad witch?” (Wizard of Oz), the answer will always be we and they and it are bad – frequently disguised in the thought and experience of “just not good enough” ....

In the context of the concepts of wants and needs, I will never be satisfied, because my brain will assert its “knowledge of good and evil” and nothing will ever be good enough – I will never be content or truly happy .... the best I can hope for is to be inebriated on thought or some other brain altering substance ....

The “knowledge of good and evil” is ultimately the foundation of separation from my God .... the temptation in the Eden metaphor was that they would become “like God” – without “needing” God .... and separation from God, from themselves, and from each other occurred – They were “ashamed” --- before there was no good and bad – but now, they were naked, and they experienced the shame of being bad – not good enough – abandoned and separated ... and they damned themselves to suffering and death for their perceived “sins” .... actually there was and is no “sin” – only shame = the perception and reaction of deserved separation and loneliness....

I spent most of my life trying to determine what God’s Will was. My brain – dominated by right/wrong, good/bad filter programming assigned the thought label of God’s Will to what I did and what occurred that seemed to be good or right ..... frequently this was just a judgment based on the results of outcomes .... when others seemed pleased – good or right .... if others were displeased – wrong and bad..... and I would punish myself accordingly .... I have never “needed” a “God” to create a hell for me suffer in....

For me, as all of the Twelve Steps converged on Step Eleven, I began to experience that as my conscious contact with my God improved, I began to see my self, and my life from their eyes .... as that occurred, I began to lose incrementaly the effects of the good/ bad mental programming filter .... with the “knowledge of God’s will for me” came an increasing awareness that all is good, and that my human self, without my God’s conscious Presence could not live that awareness ....

The material world and its inhabitants – including myself -- do not operate comfortably within such a radical “mental awakening” .... intimate Presence with God, for me, must be practiced as a life style, or my humanness will make outcomes appear life and death, right and wrong ... and I will ultimately be miserable no matter the outcome ...... when I have gotten the outcomes I “wanted” I was still restless, irritible, and discontented out of fear that I would lose my outcome and/or that the next outcome would be “bad” – “unwanted.”

“Having had a spiritual awakening, as the result of these steps ...... we practiced these principles in all affairs.”


Responses on Facebook to the original post:

Drollene B: If we need a lot of things to make us happy, we can cut down the possibility for unhappiness by paring down the list of needs and downgrade them to wants. If we have a long list of wants, thinking having them would make us happy, we can cut the criteria for happiness by downgrading our wants to preferences. If we have only preferences, we can always be happy. I think it's something to strive for. I'm not there yet.

Joseph P. Where we've been wrong is in the belief that we exist. At least in some concept of separateness and individuality. Such is the egoic illusion. The space in which this phantasmic self exists is merely holding a place in time and space better used as a channel for God's love, comfort, Light, forgiveness, peace. There is no MY will, only God's will and the opportunity to fall into harmony with it.

Gary S, Keep it simple.

Courteney B. Keeping my need/wants vs want/needs is what i strive for. when we get something we want we may not be ready for it, as it's 'our' will, not gods. we then may have to ask for it to be removed and clean up another mess, been there myself. :)

Drollene B. Okay, Gary, here it is, simple: Need nothing, want nothing, be happy with what comes when it comes.

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What Are Our Choices? Path of the Listening Heart

The following is a very intense Facebook conversation that my self, and my wonderful “ friends” had about “Choice”. I believe that as we listen to each others’ voices, we can begin to recognize our God’s Voice – loving Presence – in our others’ words. God is here …. And trying to reach and love us ….. I have a need to listen, feel, and experience their Presence – without shaming and blaming my self with false beliefs in abilities I do not have.

I am wishing you God’s Presence as you listen to our voices......

Will Wass: FB post: “If we choose to take the wrong path, it's usually our sanity that we seem to lose first…..”

Question: if we have the ability to chose between different choices, why would we deliberately chose the “wrong path”? …. Our culture seems addicted to the illusion of “choice” …. Like in the Garden of Eden, the temptation was that they would be like God, knowing good and evil …. they would be able to make conscious choices without needing a relationship with God …. Maybe -- the offer is still open …. Just bite the fruit of knowledge and engage self-will …. Or maybe – give up the fruit, and our powerless self-wills, and consciously connect to Their loving Presence – become our true and God created Selves ….

Lori C Thanks I needed to read this!

Melanie R I can’t answer that ….I have been choosing the wrong path for 2 years now. If someone knows how to avoid the wrong path, please let me know.

Will Wass Melanie: Maybe --- you haven't been "choosing" .... maybe in our disconnectedness from our God, we have lost the ability to know the truth, and to make healthy sane choices ... Maybe we need to reconnect to our God, and let Them empower us with Their loving care to know and live Their loving and perfect plan/will for our lives .... If we "chose" wrong, maybe we didn't "chose" -- maybe we were powerless ...

Thanks

Craig W One of the main reasons is we as humans are attracted to different things, things dangerous or risky, things that give us the illusion of being better than what we have and more. An example is a man or woman who is married but get caught up in having extra marital affairs, and the ones who leave for another person. You know the old saying

"The grass always looks greener on the other side.” Another thing to remember are those who make stupid choices because of thinking it will make them look better or be liked more all because they have no confidence in their selves.

Tara M For myself I didn't feel deserving of the good. So I would sabotage myself by making the wrong choices. Thank God I don't live my life like that today.

Deborah H low self esteem or a lack of loving self was my problem....before I got to know God had a lot to do with bad decisions in my life....make better decision today,,,, Thank you GOD

Mindy M.W I may not always know what the exact "right" choice is, but almost ALWAYS know what it is NOT. If I can't be sure, I pray, wait until the right answer comes. When in doubt-do the opposite!

Lynda K Definitely I had always been my own worst enemy! Self sabotage...

Nancy D When I have taken the wrong path it has always been a conscious decision; a choice. I have chosen insanity for the freedom of it -- with that came the ability to forget about having a conscience, responsibilities, and any good I had been...

Shanni F Guess the question lies in what is meant by "wrong" path . . . paths may be wrong for me in one way (perhaps in the short term) but right for me in another way (perhaps in the long term). I choose what is seemingly the wrong path sometimes because I am looking for an easier softer way, or because I think I can get away with something, but invariably I have grown and learned things from those journeys that I could not have learned another way. "There are no wrong choices, just different consequences." I have lost my sanity many times only to find that I wasn't really sane before I thought I lost it.

Bryan B I took the path less traveled by and that made all the difference!

Janis D It's not what you know that's wrong, it’s what you know. Laney R.

Will Wass Nancy: perhaps the event was conscious, but the choice was not .... I have observed my self say and do things totally opposite to what I had determined to do and say -- without any ability to stop .... I was conscious but I was not doing what I had chosen to do.... and if we had a choice, why would we chose insanity and pain.... Thanks for your helpful sharing..

Will Wass Shanni: I agree.... there really are no wrong choices -- just unexpected consequences .... My God can take what is perceived as "wrong choices" and turn them into spiritual gifts, if I turn the outcomes over to Them..... spiritual growth experiences .... In our spiritual life maintenance group (Twelve Steps) today we talked about telling a sponsor or recovering friend about our perceptions and reactions so they can actually do our 10th Step inventory for us .... because we can't trust our own sanity in reviewing ourselves .... Thanks for your comments.....

Dave D If we did not have the power of choice we would be like robots. People make wrong choices for a variety of reasons. Consequence is a part of life. God as our Father wants so much be a part of our decision making process but it is our choice rather to listen or not to act or not according to His will!!! The father of the prodigal son is the ideal picture of God. The son made the choice to say give me and the father gave.

Will Wass Dave: I don't believe that I have the power of choice .... it is my personal experience that in the past, I have "decided" -- "chosen" -- to do certain things, and found my self unable to do "it" .... The metaphor of my experience is this: imagine having an electrical appliance that has been properly manufactured electrically to do a certain task .... it is delivered to your house and set up in the appropriate area of the house -- but not plugged into an outlet .... so we come in and begin pushing buttons and turning knobs, and doing what the instructions say we should do to make it work .... but as long as it is not plugged in to the power of electricity -- if electricity is not present -- it has the ability to operate but not the means to operate .... it is powerless ....

We are the same .... the temptation in the Garden of Eden was that they would be like God -- knowing right and wrong -- able to turn themselves on and off at will -- without being intimately connected to God .... and we see the consequences of their delusion, and of the same delusion with mankind .... we have no functional, operational will except to the extent we are intimately connected to our God .... Otherwise, we are tossed about by every wave of emotion -- compelled by instinctive mental forces from our reactions to pain and fear -- to do what ever brings temporary relief -- no matter its health, sanity, or long term consequences -- personal and moral destruction ....

It is my experience that religion has needed a reasoning that allowed it to blame people for their behavior and damn to hell if they did not conform to its rules … control ….and so it created the myth of free will to accomplish this agenda …. I only have an operational will to the level that I am intimately and consistently connected to a God of my personal experience and relationship …. And that begins with disconnecting my self from the tempting fruit of self will, by experiencing – painfully --- that I am indeed powerless …. helpless and doomed without my God’s loving conscious Presence …..

Apostle Paul: “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not do; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the principles of good. But, now, it is no longer I who does it , but the shame (separation from God) that dwells in me ….” ….Rom. 7 ……. my experience, strength and hope …..

Without God's Presence, we are "robots" being operated by the mental programming of pain and fear -- shame and separation -- doing whatever necessary to avoid the incredible and wretched pain of separation from God, from our selves, and from others .... and without connecting intimately and consistently with his father, the prodigal son was doomed to do it all over again .... powerless ....

Thanks for your response ...

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journalling --October 31, 2009 -- Path of the Mystic Listener

Nearly twenty-five years ago, I was in counseling with an Episcopal priest, who gave me an assignment to write a letter to God. In the next session, I read and we discussed my letter and my relationship to “God”. For the next session, the priest gave me the assignment of writing a letter from God to me.

It seemed very strange and awkward, but I was in enough pain to be willing to do anything he asked. At the next session, we processed my letter and my experience and insight in writing the letter. As I was reflecting on my writing, it occurred to me that the amazing experience that I had with this assignment might be “useful” as a daily spiritual activity.

Almost every day since then, I have done this very thing – a “letter” to God about what was going on in my life, my feelings, and what I was struggling with – and a “letter” of what I felt God saying to me. It has been a wonderful and life changing experience of spiritual enlightenment – of increasing conscious Presence with a loving God, whom I have learned to call “Mom and Dad”. I would like to share some of this experience with you here.

October 31, 2009
Mom & Dad,
Good morning! Everything is moving in on me with this cruise coming. I feel anxious, pressured – afraid that I will not have prepared coverage for K’s practice adequately. Please help me and lead me. What do I need to know and do today?

Listening. Always, always learning to listen. We are “hear” – hear and feel our breathing Presence within you.
Your course swings in and out. Questions trigger inner undisclosed wounds – energies stored in stasis chambers (of your brain – near your heart. Connection and separation – swinging in and out – listening for our voices – through the darkened walls of your mind.
The entrance to new places emerges from the debris of old experiences – mangled pieces of discarded selves – like the valley of dry bones (Bible) – and as you stand – open – in our Presence – the “bones” begin to come together and life begins to regenerate inside of you. Living tissue – blood vessels full of spiritual Presence – flowing – throbbing – then beating smoothly – life flowing and beating as you become – alive – loved and nurtured by our caring and unconditional Presence.
Lifeless becomes lifefull.
We are here.

"A merry heart doeth good like is medicine,

but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

Proverbs

(Inspirational life quote from a meditation book):
“Intuition is a spiritual faculty and does not explain, but simply points the way.” Florence Scovel Shinn
“We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.”
Seems to me that if “spiritual” means higher Presence, then energy from intimate closeness with you fills the mental voids (of my brain) created by past injuries of separation.

As a human, you want to “know” things – clear, dependable, usable information. Nothing that is knowable is real – they are only thoughts – fixed patterns of neural energy within the brain. Thoughts are created out of space and time – which are also, “not real” – only perceptions of the brain.

The necessity and importance of “love” is that in its truth, experience and thought forms -- creates a bridge from thought to our Presence – an emerging consciousness called intuition – spiritual enlightenment, awareness that exceeds the facility and use of words. Words are only as real as the presence experienced through them. Eventually – as you move and become closer to us, words will dissolve into the nothingness that they are – and what will be left is an intimate connection which can be best described from this side as “love”.

Love is greater than faith, because it is the highest level of faith. Faith is most frequently thought. Belief means one thinks a certain statement to be true. Love means one experiences such an intimate connection with us that thoughts and words disappear and all that is left is conscious Presence, closeness, unconditional acceptance and companionship – with us – to others. There are no longer explanations – thoughts and words – because you have transcended matter –becoming spiritually Present – intuitively “knowing” things that your brain can not know or process.

Flow.

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We Need More Than Answers -- Listening to the Mystic Path

Computers are useless.
They can only give you answers.
Pablo Picasso

Answers are the enemies of spiritual solutions. Knowledge is the enemy of spiritual enlightenment. Intellect disables spiritual experiences. Psychology is the enemy of spiritual Presence and nurturing intimacy.

What do answers, knowledge, intellect and psychology all have in common? They are based on mental thought and not on spiritual experience. So they produce a distraction which gives temporary relief to inner separation and pain. But ultimately it creates more separation – and therefore more pain.

We need something – someone – who gives more than answers – who brings intimate spiritual enlightenment into the darkness of our abandonments – someone whose loving and caring Presence brings spiritual healing to our wounded souls.

WE have this Someone – when we are WE!

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